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Ephesus
Today, I want to talk to you about two magical phrases that will enhance your quality of life. If you internalise these two phrases and use them at the right time and in the right situations, you’ll never be the same again. Who will you become? Happier, more at peace, and freer. Don’t worry; I’ll help you internalise these phrases with some examples. Let’s dive into our first example.
. . .
Imagine you bump into a friend you haven’t seen in ages. Goodness, they’ve put on quite a bit of weight! Being a good friend, you feel you ought to say something—they must not be looking in the mirror if they’ve gained this much! Someone has to warn them, and luckily, they have friends like you! Just as you’re about to say, “Wow, you’ve gained a lot of weight, haven’t you? I’m only saying this for your health,” remind yourself of that magical phrase: “None of my business!” Even if someone had an issue with their sight, no one could know better than they do whether they’ve gained weight. This unnecessary remark will do nothing but irritate your friend. Moreover, it will make you appear quite unkind and overstepping. Honestly, why should it matter to you?
Now, let’s switch roles…
You’ve been job-hunting for a while now, as your current company has become unbearable. You feel overwhelmed by endless overtime and stress. And to top it all off, you’re obligated to attend the company’s annual Christmas party. Each year, everyone competes over their outfits. You have no desire to join the competition, of course. The stress and difficulties of recent times have even led to some eating issues. Reluctantly, you head out shopping, hoping to find something that fits. But nothing you try on feels quite right. Feeling even more down, you’re walking down the street when you see an old friend approaching with a smile. You’re just about to greet them with a hug when you hear them say, “Wow, you’ve gained some weight!” Before you even start explaining about work stress and all that, shake it off, look them in the eye, and say, “Mind your own business!” Don’t worry about being rude—this person deserves it for not having practised enough “not my business” in their life.
. . .
One day, you’re out and see a young mother with her baby. The poor little one is crying so heartbreakingly that it tugs at your heartstrings. Naturally, being an expert on child-rearing, you glance over and immediately know what’s wrong! You’re just about to approach the mother and say, “This baby’s hungry,” but then, what do you tell yourself? “Not my business!” Because, really, why should it matter to you? No one could possibly know better than the mother whether her baby is hungry, so there’s no need for unhelpful comments. If you genuinely want to help, you could simply ask if she needs assistance and quietly walk away.
Let’s tune in to the mother’s perspective.
You’ve been at home for three months. You can’t remember the last time you had an uninterrupted night’s sleep. Since the baby was born, baths have been few and far between. Last night, the little one didn’t sleep again. You feel like you could burst into tears at the slightest touch. Sometimes, in moments like these, a strange surge of energy appears, as we all need to keep going somehow. Yes, today is the day! You decide to treat yourself to a coffee at a café with the baby, if only for ten minutes. You’ve fed and changed your little one and put on a smart outfit; off you go. Surely, the baby will sleep in the pram, right? You haven’t even been out two minutes before your little one starts wailing at full volume. Weren’t babies supposed to sleep in prams? How can such a little thing be so loud? As you feel panic rising, you notice someone approaching. You hear an elderly lady say, “That baby’s hungry.” You’re just about to start doubting yourself—maybe you didn’t feed them enough, after all—when you stop, look her in the eyes, and say, “Mind your own business!” Don’t worry about being impolite. This lady has clearly not done enough “not my business” practice in her life, and perhaps she deserves a bit of honesty, don’t you think?
. . .
Another workday comes to an end. You’ve spent the day juggling countless problems. Between your boss’s unnecessary tantrums and the clients’ demands, you’re feeling the unique satisfaction of making it through another week. You can’t decide whether to go home and rest or meet up with friends. Eventually, you give in to their insistence and find yourself out for the evening. You’re enjoying your meal, tapping your foot to the rhythm of the music when your friend says they have some juicy news. Oh, what could it be? They start passionately recounting a secret love story in the sales department. You make a commendable effort to keep up with the people and events involved! As you’re torn between keeping up with the story and focusing on your food, your brain, which has been overloaded all day, begins to spin. So, use your magical phrase this time for your friend: “Not my business!” Look them in the eye and let them know this pointless story is none of your concern. You can even take it a step further and say, “Why should it matter to you either?” They might be a bit surprised, but you can soften the situation with a bit of humour afterwards. At least they’ll think twice before bringing you meaningless gossip again.
. . .
For a better, happier, more just, and loving world
For peace, for humanity
What are we all saying together?
“It’s none of my business!”
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